Each matter, every situation, carries its own past

‘I hope you respond to me by ** date. If I don’t hear back, I’ll assume you’re not coming.’

Story

Anna, a married woman with a child, called her mother one day, hoping her mother could attend her child’s elementary school opening ceremony. However, her mother replied, ‘But I’ve already made plans with friends to go for a walk that day.’

Anna said, ‘Can’t you skip it?’

Instead of giving a direct answer, her mother said, ‘If the opening ceremony is rescheduled, I can attend.’

In Anna’s mind, she thought, ‘What does she mean by “if it’s rescheduled”? How can you reschedule an opening ceremony?’ She was so frustrated that she couldn’t find words. After calming herself down, she told her mother, ‘Well, I’ll ask Dad to call you then.’

Reluctantly, her mother handed the phone to her father, saying, ‘It’s your call.’

‘Oh,’ her father responded coldly.

On the other end of the line, Anna could sense the atmosphere at home. When her father spoke into the phone, his tone instantly brightened. Anna made the same request to her father, and he readily agreed. Although he maintained a calm demeanor in front of her mother, Anna could feel his genuine happiness.

After hanging up, Anna said to me, ‘This kind of thing has happened countless times. My mother has always been like this.’ Anna cares too much about her mother’s every word and action, leading her to draw negative conclusions. Now, her mind is filled with these negative emotions.

The root cause of these negative emotions

From Anna’s perspective, she thinks, ‘My mother won’t come because she must dislike me.’ However, from her mother’s point of view, the response of ‘I can attend if it’s rescheduled’ might be due to the difficulty of canceling plans with friends for a walking event that she initiated. Although her mother didn’t explain as much as Anna did, the moment she heard the date from Anna, she probably immediately thought about her commitment as the event organizer and the awkwardness of canceling on friends.

People who lack empathy cannot see into the hearts of others

If Anna’s mother lacks empathy, she cannot perceive her daughter’s feelings or realize the impact of her words on others. This is a common trait in people who live their lives for others and are constantly bound by the affairs of others.

Everyone has their own experiences, and backgrounds are reflected in behavior and speech

Later, when Anna’s father told her mother that he agreed to attend the opening ceremony, her mother objected, ‘I can’t go, and if you go alone, it will seem strange for a couple not to attend together. So, it’s better if you don’t go.’

In the eyes of an outsider, if the mother cannot attend and the father wants to go, wouldn’t that be fine? However, the mother thinks differently; she doesn’t want only the father to go, and she would feel guilty for not attending. However, the mother herself hasn’t paid attention to her own feelings, leading to a lack of awareness of her own inner struggles.

The emotional knots in the heart will become the seeds of conflict

In this situation, Anna should approach it with the attitude that whether her parents attend is their choice, and the decision lies in their hands. This is a form of mutual acknowledgment and respecting each other’s freedom.

However, for Anna, her parents’ attendance or non-attendance will affect many things, including preparations if they decide to stay overnight. If her parents don’t clearly express their intentions, many arrangements cannot be made, and her schedule will be greatly affected. If they wait until the last minute to decide, it will also cause additional stress.

If Anna has considered these possibilities, she can directly tell her parents, ‘I hope you respond to me by ** date. If I don’t hear back, I’ll assume you’re not coming.’ This way, her emotions will be lighter.

If her parents continue not to contact her, assuming ‘they’re not coming’ may leave some regrets, but compared to the uncertainty of waiting and the last-minute decision-making, it might be a more relaxed approach.

If emotional knots persist, they can become seeds of conflict. If you don’t want to provoke a more intense dispute, prioritizing yourself and taking the stance of ‘doing what you truly want to do’ becomes even more crucial.